My life in London

This is my life in London, my frustration, my dream is made a nightmare...

9 meses e o bebê da esperança nasceu!

Todo mundo que acompanha esse blog sabe que eu já passei por coisas que até eu tenho horas que duvido de que aguentei tanta coisa...

Todo mundo já cansou de me ver reclamar, reclamar, reclamar de Londres. Afinal, não foi pouca coisa que passei e meu sonho virou mesmo pesadelo.

Só que agora, há 9 meses na Terra da Rainha, parece que a ficha caiu.
As decisões já estão meio tomadas (é, porque a gente nunca sabe se podem mudar...) e eu estou me sentindo bem.
Bem no sentido de estar bem comigo e numas meio caminhoneira: fé em Deus e pé na tábua!
Estou com o pé na tábua e com fé de que algo ainda vai dar certo e pra que isso aconteça é preciso que eu me ajude. Coisa que pouco conseguir fazer, desanimei muitas e muitas vezes, para vocês terem uma ideia, cheguei a acordar quase uma da tarde: não saía nem da cama por desânimo... passava o dia no pc e quando tinha tv, me dividi entre a tv e o pc.
Pra que sair na rua?
Pra que olhar pra cara das pessoas?
Pra que estar aqui?

Uma hora eu ia ter que sair do casulo ou morrer nele... e, graças a Deus eu decidi sair... sai, naquelas no começo, comecei a trabalhar, mas sempre pensando "o que que eu tô fazendo aqui?" e sempre deprê, sempre abalada, sempre remoendo o passado - que é passado...
Acho que quando você fica sozinha, morando sozinha (sem família e amigos) você se torna solitária e eu sempre fui um ser solitário, sempre preferi o "antes só do que mal acompanhado" mesmo sem saber se eram más companhias mesmo, o antes só sempre foi mais forte em mim.
Só que é diferente ser antissocial quando se tem família e amigos por perto, por mais que eu me diga antissocial, tímida, fechadona, com pessoas que amamos tudo é mais fácil.
Agora, morando em outro país, em casas onde só o meu dinheiro é bem vindo, tudo fica pior.
Ainda mais num país onde as amizades que se faz não são tão fortes, ainda não consegui nenhuma realmente forte, porque as pessoas estão 24 horas por dia ocupadas...

E eu na minha sede de solidão, fui ficando ainda mais só, mais só... mais angustiada: ninguém tem tempo pra vc, a maioria só quer ganhar dinheiro. Eu sei, muita gente veio pra cá pra ganhar dinheiro ou querendo ter uma vida diferente e melhor do que no Brasil, mas as grande maioria dos brasileiros que vivem aqui não têm vida: só trabalho, trabalho, trabalho.
A outra palavra é dinheiro, dinheiro, dinheiro...

Descobri que grande parte dos brasileiros aqui se tornarem meio ingleses: materialistas totais, egoístas e mesquinhos. Claro, não é que eles pegaram isso dos ingleses, não, só acharam um campo fértil para ser assim sem ter que se explicar... sem ter que fazer aquele tipo "receptividade brasileira, calor humano", não precisam fazer esse tipo, é só dizer: aqui é diferente.
Não, aqui não é diferente, as pessoas é que preferem ser diferentes e entrar nessa linha individualista porque sempre foram, só precisavam, como eu disse, do lugar certo.

Eu cansei de falar mal dos ingleses aqui, falei mesmo! Mas muito foi do que recebi por parte deles... e coisas muito rudes que aconteceram comigo - quem acompanha bem esse blog, sabe.
Mas o que posso realmente dizer deles é que são pessoas muito diferentes: fechados, alguns tímidos, outros muito arrogantes, outros estranhos... outros engraçados rs
É uma mistura, mas uma mistura de gêneros diferente do que eu estava acostumada, são realmente blasè e quando se está se sentindo solitária gente blasè não ajuda em nada....

A verdade é que precisei de 9 meses, completados domingo, dia 15, para entender, pra me reerguer e, espero, conseguir o que almejo: falar com certa facilidade o inglês e escrever razoavelmente.
Na verdade, cheguei aqui querendo ficar fluente, pra isso, teria que ficar mais um ano, o que eu não aguento... só se ganhar na mega-sena rs

Passei por maus bocados até aqui, mas acho que aprendi lições valiosas de paciência, resignação, comedimento, humildade, abnegação e desprendimento.
Imagine entrar na HMV e não poder comprar cds que você deseja muito que custam apenas 3 libras? Faz tempo que não entro lá... nem quero olhar...

Neste momento eu só penso em uma coisa: arrumar mais trabalho, mais algumas horas na manhã, quem sabe, para juntar dinheiro para estudar mais e viajar, só isso...
Imagine o povo que pensa em juntar dinheiro aqui? Fica louco! Fica louco de tanto trabalhar, de tanto querer dinheiro e fica louco porque acha que EU sou louca de querer viajar e estudar...
Isso é problema deles, não meu... eu vim pra ser feliz e a partir de agora, eu quero, com fé em Deus, parar de reclamar e chegar onde desejo, ou quase perto.
Pelo menos do ladinho de Praga rs

Fran Healy 16th September 2010

Do you remember the post about my journey looking for Umbridge Road and where the veneu of the Fran Healy concert was?

Well, I forgot to tell you about the concert (God!! how I did do this???), one day after my "camel journey" in the wrong Uxbridge Road. The following day I was certain about the place and the "true" Uxbridge Road (I will never forget this street name).

(I still lived in the "Horror House" as Soudemorte ("I'm death" lol) doesn't care about me and anybody in the Horror House, I hadn't problem. I didn't have to tell anyone about my personal life.)

The following day I was certain about the place and the "true uxbridge road" (I will never forget this street name).

I arrived early and I went to Bush Hall. This place is very near Shephard's Bush Tube Station, five minutes, it is very easy to find. It was very early when I arrived at Bush Hall and I decided to eat something because I wouldn't hungry, by tge time the concert started.

There was already a queue and when I came back it was a little bigger, but I was still one of the first. There weer other brazilians in the queue, I heard them.

People that passed by the place asked us: "who's playing tonight?"

Imagine this: it was a wednesday, six o'clock and the queue kept getting bigger.

I was very anxious: it was my first gig in London and Fran Healy and Travis are very important in my life, because of their songs abd charisma of the band.

We got in the place, an alternative, indie, place, by the way. It was a small venue, but it's a very beautiful building. A piano near the stage and I got a place near there, a little space, but just by the stage. I was getting more anxious, I would see Fran Healy very close to me.

Earlier there was another concert. A new guy - like Jack Johnson or John Mayer style - his name is Pete Lawrie and the label (I believe the same of Fran) must believe in his carreer for him to open  the Fran Healy concert.
Pete Lawrie is a very cute guy and his voice is amazing. The people listened whith attention, but a gir (a non sense girl nerar the stage too - a "Joselita" as we say in Brazil) told him:

You're better than Jack Johnson!

Oh, God! I was ashamed for her! She was a very stupid and bizarre girl, at least for me, she wanted to expose herself :

"oh, loook, people!! I'm very cool and smart!!" (yeah, she is very c* - in portuguese is "ass" lol). She was such a pain in the ass...

Ok, ok! I'm very moody. I know it! lol

Fran Healy's concert was booked for 9:15 and Pete Lawrie finished around 9. I was worried because Richmond is very far from this place - Richmond is not far for who lives there and got a car - it's no so far but the tube line is very slow, the worst line of London tube: District Line, I hate it! (Picaddily is os slow too and they said to me Jubilee).

Everyone waited for Fran's time and... he finally appeared on stage! He came out of the blue!!! What a suprise! No entry music, no presenting!

There he was on stage, everyone was very surprisde and happy with him.
I was very surprise too, but I was staring at him: he isn't a tall guy and very thin. And...

FRAN HEALY WAS STANDING CLOSE TO MY FACE!!!!!

He told us "good evening" and he started to play. I was in trance I was mesmerized.

He mixed the song of his solo album and Travis songs. Each song he told us how this song was made, the idea, the first tries.
I had been in London for a month, I didn't understand everything he said, but I understood the context. I laughed at these situations like in "Flowers in the Window", the idea started when Doggie was feeling sick and he vomited out of the window lol imagine it!
Or "Sing" was inspired by MTV' programmes name), Fran told us the word was "swing" and his still in his mind that was already created.
It was very funny Fran singing "swing, swing, swing, swing" lol
"Dear Diary" was a real Fran's diary.

Fran told us about a song in which Paul McCartney plays bass. He told us that he sent an email to Paul and didn't wait for the reply. Healy had sent the music, the melody and it lacked a bass player.
Fran thought "sure, Sir Paul McCartney would never reply to me..."
And...
Three months later, Paul replied to Fran. Fran said that when he saw the email for the first time, he was in shock: Paul McCartney replied to me!!!!
Paul said that he hadn't time, he was very busy (he is always in Brazil now, you!!!), but he loved the song and put the bass in the tune.
Fran told us about this with emotion and happiness.

Me and a couple (I believe russians) behind me, sang all the songs and time this was the first I was weirded out by English people: only some watched, only some recorded (the whole concert!!!) and there was a couple in wich the girl seemed like she didn't know Travis, because she didn't seem to understand the funny things about Travis' songs: she was not participating and her boyfriend understood, but didn't stop recording.
To me is seemed like the majority of people, didn't enjoy or enjoied in another way that I can't understand: no emotion, no feelings...
It was very cold crows, but me and olther foreigns showed to Fran a different welcoming.
I took pictures and recordered some songs, but I still enjoied the concert.

Fran went to the piano and finally the crowd showed some enthusiasm.
I couldn't see him and Joselita girl took a picture for me of Fran in the piano.;
Well... one point for Joselita...

But Joselita tried to talk with Fra when he explained the songs and in the end, she asked him for his towels and a guy from New Zealand asked him the setlist.
I was very shy to asked for anything. I thought "I'm from Brazil, please!" but my embarassement was too big.

Fran was sweating so much during the concert it was unbelieveble and Joselita won every drop of his sweat. I don't think this was good...

I would have prefered something else like pick or mainly a picture with him, but it wasn't possible.

Sometthing else which was funny and different was the come back time when he said:

"Ok, this is the final moment. I pretend to go out and you pretend to call me for more music and the come back started"

Everyone laughed because Fran thought is very hyppocritical the whole come back thing...
He asled us to "YELL!" and he pretended to go out and he came back in.

He was very cool, funny and such a sweet guy!
Fran Healy is the guy!!
The guy all girl would like to meet in their lives.

I went ou happy from Bush Hall and took a taxi in Richmond Station to Horror House wasn't problem for me, I was very happy.

In Travis words:
I'm so happy 'cause you're so happy

Setlist:

20
Writing to reach you
Anything
As you are
Sing to me Sleep
Fly in to Ointment
Dear Diary
In the Morning
As it comes
Flowers in the Window
Rocking Chair
Sing
The Humpty Dumpy Love Song
Driftwood
Buttercups

"Encore"
Turn
Indefinitely
Slide Show

****
This post was only possible because Jac told me about the show and Patrícia held to correct me ;)